Tag Archives: humor

Signs That You Are A Music Geek

  • At parties, you announce each song, the artists, the back-story and your opinion about the song. And that’s not it. You do it about 1.5 seconds into the song. When you come across a particularly obscure song, you ask the people around you to identify it, and shine your light of your brilliance after they have failed.
  • You argue with your spouse that re-arranging your CD/digital collection qualifies a household chore.
  • You gift your spouse/significant other music or music accessories that you know he/she will not use. And hijack it as soon as the gift-opening ritual is done.
  • Before going on a long drive, you may forget to fill up petrol but there is no way in hell you will forget about creating the perfect playlist of road trip songs.
  • You are one of the oldest people in punk-rock concerts AND one of the youngest people in classical music concerts.
  • You judge people based on their taste in music. People who like Led Zep and R.D. Burman are cool. People who like Yanni and Himesh Reshammiya – you don’t care so much about.
  • You delete photos on your device to make room for music.

Are you a music geek? Know of any other signs of a music geek?

Bollywood Musicians Bare Claws

Is there something off in the Bollywood music industry? Consider this:

  • Shaan on Twitter about Rahat getting off easy – Rahatbhai found rahat pretty easily with DRI and FERA. A Fine and he’s fine to carry on. Wonder if we were in Another Country in similar situation, would it be as easy ??!!
    My take: Shaan’s public outburst is a little disappointing. Even if there is some truth in what he is implying, he comes across as a bitter, fading star. I think he’s better than that.
  • Abhijit alleges a music industry racket involving producers (Mahesh Bhat), music labels (Tips) and Pakistani musicians (like Rahat). He doesn’t exactly spell it out but with the Rahat arrest incident in the backdrop, is he insinuating money laundering?
    My take: Sour grapes. Abhijit is a long time Pakistan baiter who feels that his career went south because of Pakistani singers. He is wrong. His career went south because of singers better than him – Pakistani and Indian.
  • Sonu Nigam roasts Shankar Mahadevan, A.R. Rahman, Himesh Reshammiya and Adnan Sami at GIMA awards. Sample this song sung to Maa’s tune –
  • Main kabhi batlata nahin, Kharaj (low note, sa) se mooh phirta hoon maa,
    Gaane do mujhe uche suron me, Neeche ke sur se darta hoon main maa

    My take: Good fun! And by the looks of their laughter, it looked like Shankar, ARR and Adnan Sami were having fun too. Or was it a case of “Tum itna jo muskura rahe ho…”?

Mallus and booze

True story. A group of friends are making plans to go out bar hopping. Someone asks the new guy in the group if he drinks. Pat comes the reply “What question are you asking, da? I am a Mallu!”.

The Mallus’ fondness for hooch is well-known. At dusk, after a hard days work, hordes of Malayalis descend upon one of two places to seek peace and ruminate on the meaning of life – places of worship or booze shops. The crowd in front of the booze shop easily distinguishes itself by its impeccable conduct. The only place in India I have seen people standing in a line and patiently waiting for their turn is at booze shops in Kerala.

Booze is an integral part of the Mallu pop culture. I can’t think of too many Malayalam movies that go without a scene involving booze. Everybody drinks – the hero, the sidekick, the character actors, the comedian, the villain, the vamp – almost everyone except the heroine, who protests feebly and pours dutifully. Drunks in public places are met with a disapproving shake of the head that is completely negated by the accompanying smile of an understanding adult regarding a naughty child. Talking about inebriation, if you are a visitor in Kerala and someone comments that you are fit, do not bother sucking up your breath, squaring your shoulders, pulling in your belly and thanking the kind soul through your clenched teeth (from all the effort going into appearing fit for a few fleeting moments). In Kerala, “fit” is a compliment reserved for individuals who, after consuming a few alcoholic beverages, proceed to use the swimming plus and then realize that there is no flush. Yes, “fit” equals drunk – only in Kerala!

While on this topic, it is worth talking about the Mallu’s style of drinking. Long before tequila shots chased by a wedge of lime and salt became popular in hip bars in India, the Mallu imbibed alcohol with the uniquely Indian chaser – achaar (spicy pickle). The ritual is as follows – a) Pour a large drink of your choice of booze into a glass, b) Pour water or soda. The Mallu is environmentally conscious and makes do with just a few drops. c) Take a deep breath, d) Gulp down the entire glass in one go, e) Touch a pickle with your middle finger, e) Lick it, and last but very important step f) Let your breath out with a loud “Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh” from the bottom of your throat. Steps c) through f) need to be accomplished in about two seconds. Always a perfectionist, the Mallu repeats the ritual till the two-second limit is met.

[Note: Kerala has the highest per capita consumption of alcohol in India and a track record of alcohol abuse. That’s not funny.]